I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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