I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.