Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage