I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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