you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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