Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
