I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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