i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
