i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize