He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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