If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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