Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
