Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
