i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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