is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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