New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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