you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
