Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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