i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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