Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
