nutella sex= disaster
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
