Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
