chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is Oprah even human
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
