She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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