u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
