It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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