She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
