It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
