You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
