She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
