Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
