Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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