hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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