I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
