Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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