no, he came in my armpit
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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