if i can run in heels then i can drive
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
