Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
