Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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