just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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