At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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