i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
