a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
