I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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