if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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