and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
should my penis look like a turkey
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
