can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
