Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
