I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
