I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
