She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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