forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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