i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
