oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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