so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
