I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
